Picture “Perfect”

They say a picture is worth a thousand words,

but my life’s not picture perfect.

My floors need mopping

My laundry needs folding

My kids watch too much TV

My husband and I are way past finishing each other’s sentences…

We usually can’t finish a sentence

Too many interruptions

Kids need help with homework

Family needs help with a crisis

Teens have questions about social life, their future life, just life

it’s not perfect

but social media makes you wish for perfection

Everyone props up their lives on tripods

So they can be seen in the perfect light

Everyone’s kids are star students

Sports champions

Beautiful, handsome and popular, of course

Families vacation in Europe

Homes are flawless

as rays of sunlight hit the carefully positioned still life on the kitchen counter

I know…you woke up and it looked like this

But, I’m over it

My sink is overflowing with dishes,

I came in late from a meeting and cooked dinner at 8 o’clock

Who has energy for dishes at ten after working all day?

Not me.

My perfectly imperfect life will have to do.

It doesn’t make for a nice Instagram pic

No one will ever like or share my life story

But it’s the real story.

It’s real life, not still life

Something I think we’ve lost sight of in all our efforts to capture “real life” in our stories, on our pages, for our friends who aren’t our friends, but just a million nameless followers for whom we live… and we’d certainly die if they ever discovered the truth.

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Photo by Ionut Coman Photographer on Unsplash

Wait for It…

They say patience is a virtue. But, it’s not a virtue that I naturally possess. When I want it, I want it now!  Yet, immediacy and present action has been more of a wish than a reality for me over the years. For example, my plans to move immediately after I graduated from college dissolved into a settlement in my present location.  My intentions to launch directly from school to a shining career have dragged through a meandering road of unexpected detours and traffic delays.

Yet, I’m told by the wise man that “for everything there is a season” …so I should not see these digressions as stumbling blocks but stepping stones. It’s just that when you’re a person who struggles with that patience virtue, it’s hard to conceive that the extended delay at the stop light is in any way a benefit to reaching the destination.

So, what is it with waiting? What is it about that pause, that is so helpful for the future?

And what about you creatives out there? Do you struggle with waiting?

When you sit at the canvas…

at the piano…

at the keyboard and wait…

for something:  an image, an inspiration, a melody? a breakthrough?

Waiting can be hard.  Yet, waiting does something…

It allows for preparation. If you’ve ever been in that weird space in between, you may remember what you learned. Just think back to middle school—that awkward educational, emotional and developmental space after elementary and just before high school. For some of us it may bring back nightmares of embarrassing moments, bad hair days and acne, but it was also a time of discovery. When the world was opening up, when we began to recognize ourselves as individuals and to establish our own sense of self. Granted, it was the beginning, but that safe space in between allowed us to prepare for the subsequent steps which would be more demanding.

Each phase of our lives is really a space between the previous one and the next which allows us time to learn from the past and anticipate the future. While it can be awkward, it is also comforting because we can take advantage of what we know while enjoying the freedom from what we don’t know.  Let’s face it, sometimes the best part about middle management is passing the buck! (“Sorry, I’m not authorized to make that decision, you’ll have to ask my supervisor!”) Yet, watching what happens at the next level, keeping our eyes and ears open to what goes on at the front of the line allows us time to think about what works and what doesn’t.

While you’re waiting for inspiration to come, what can you learn from what you already know?

It facilitates maturation.  You may not like being in middle school or “middle management” because, the other reality is that you’re often reminded of what you “can’t” do! You’re old enough to “know better” not old enough to have the keys.  You have just enough power (knowledge or skill) to do lots of work, but not enough to get much credit for it. Those around you call the shots, make the decisions and hold your future in their hands. Waiting for your day is like watching grass grow!  Yet, as those of us who survived middle school know, the years in between mark a period of significant change, growth and development. Our bodies and minds matured so much during that time that family and friends hardly recognized us by the end of it! The time of waiting may feel long, but it is necessary to facilitate this maturity. If our parents gave us the keys when we were 12, disaster would have certainly followed. But, within 4-6 years, we matured from those awkward middle stages into more mature (though still maturing) teenagers capable of greater responsibilities and independence.

As adults, moving from middle to upper management–or from novices to masters in our fields–may feel like a work of futility, but the work that we’re doing, the small steps we are taking, every task we complete is part of our maturation. We don’t notice it while it’s happening because the changes are imperceptible, but over time, the accumulation of every small effort—even unintentional ones—is contributing to our development until one day we’ll look up and, perhaps, not even recognize ourselves!

It builds anticipation. Then, when you’ve been in that middle zone long enough to see how it works, long enough to watch what’s next, long enough to study and prepare, you’ll feel that preparation welling up. What may have started out as fear will transform into energy.  When you were a middle-school kid, you may have felt out of sorts–uncomfortable in your own skin. Maybe you worried what other people thought about you and cared what others said.  But during the waiting you’ve had time to settle in. You’ve had time to observe the cycles, to see that people talk about what they admire and camouflage their jealousy with disdain. You understand leadership—that blind ambition clouds judgement, but humility covers a multitude of sins.

You’ve grown and matured.  Now you’re ready for your shot.

You’re ready to take your place at the front of the line–to step out onto center stage.  The time spent waiting is like wood stacked for a fire and the anticipation is a simmering cauldron on an open flame ready to explode!

This is your moment. When preparation meets opportunity, you’ll know it, you’ll feel it and you’ll be ready. “Despise not the day of small beginnings”. Be patient…it’s coming…just wait for it!

 

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Special thanks to Anaya Katlego on Unsplash for cover photo

Fireflies and saying Goodbye

I’ve always been one to speak my mind–to speak “truth to power” I guess you could say. But there are times when words escape me. When the right word just won’t come, no matter how hard I try to conjure it. This occurs at time of great stress or sadness. Maybe, you can relate? In these times I know that I must be still. If I try to force them, the words will only come out stilted or incoherent. I may use the wrong word, or words that are too harsh. Then I’ll just look back with regret at what I sent into the world, and once they’re out there, there’s no taking them back. So, as much as I love them, there are times when silence is, indeed, golden.

So, today I will be silent, and, instead, leave you with a quote from one who was better with words than than I am. Next week I hope to have something more eloquent to share. Until then…

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Photo by Micah Hill on Unsplash